so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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