I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize