pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
