bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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