called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
