YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
