I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
