I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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