I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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