I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
