Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
