I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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