Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
