Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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