In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
