a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
