I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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