He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
