If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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