Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
