My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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