My room smells like vodka and shame
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
3pm strippers are depressing
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
