boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
