Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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