I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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