The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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