she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
