On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
