I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
