No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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