This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
