I am puke
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
