i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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