so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
