Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
