Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
