Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
