Got a toothbrush?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
