Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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