Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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