No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
