kristin has been a bad kristin
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is it penis luge time yet?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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