dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
