Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
