I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
