I cockslap morals
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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