Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
