I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
