Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
