grandma shit on top of the toilet
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
