if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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