so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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