hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
