thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
