you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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